Thursday 2 June 2005

The Gospel According to Chav

Well with so much talk at the moments about Chavs, I find this yesterday and it made me laugh!! Read on

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin. (Wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He's does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like: "Oo you lookin' at?"

Gabriel just goes: "You've got one up the duff, you have."

Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large.

"Stop dissin' me, yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!"

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.

Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Bacardi Breezers an' that.

She's like: "Ooright, Mary, I can proper feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. What wiv the extra benefits an' that."

Mary goes: "Yeah, s'pose you're right."

Anyway, there's the census y'knaaa? Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to twock a donkey an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room in the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like "Respect bay-bee Jesus", an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: "If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' with this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas an' Burberry?"

It's all abaht to kick off when Gabriel turns up an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like: "The rozzers is coming an' they're killing all the bay-bees. You better nash of to Egypt."

Joe goes: "You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey."

Gabriel sez: "Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look-aht if you stay."

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killing the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe an' Mary an' Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into lager.

1 Comments:

sara said...

heh.. thats class..... im tempted to also email you guys the guide to n00bs as that is hilarious :)


sara